Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Keeping It Real (Part 2)

Hello!  It's Tuesday!  Is that good?  :)

So if you didn't read yesterday's post, here you go.  

Today I am talking about that word.  Depression.  

Depression runs in my family.  My mom and 2 sisters have/had it and I always thought..."well that will never happen to me."
The first time I have ever heard of depression is when I was called to the Guidance Counselor's office in High School.   She wanted to talk about my mom.  
My mom used to (and still is in some ways)  a strong, blunt, air force officer, nurse.  She used to wake up before all of us and have her breakfast & coffee.  Then she told me what she was going through... she was constantly worried about money (even though we had enough), that I would come home and find my dad dead. (he has heart problems), and so much more.

So awhile ago my husband and I got into a fight.  I won't get into details but he said something to me that made me really upset.  "You are only happy now when you are sleeping".  I actually didn't get upset with him but actually myself.  Because it dawned on me...oh my gosh...he's right.

I hadn't really paid attention to myself lately but that made me open my eyes.  For the past few weeks and the few weeks after he said that, I realized I was changing.  

I was wanting to do nothing.  Literally.   I don't want to go anywhere, eat, work out, read, read blogs, write blog posts, watch TV (that's big for me).  Also I don't want to shower or get dressed.  Besides feeding, changing, and dressing Mason, I just sit there.  I would sit on the couch and just stare.  Every now and then I play a game on my iPad, then just sit and stare.

Guss started getting worried and finally asked, what can we do?  I wanted to go to the Doctor's but I don't really have good insurance.  But I finally realized, I can't live like this...so next Wednesday I am off to the see a Doctor.  I just hope it helps.


Alana Christine said...

I hope it helps too! You deserve to be happy!

Megan said...

I will be praying for you! It's good that you recognize that something is wrong...that way you can make it right!

Renee said...

Miranda your Amazing!!! Even just coming to the conclusion that somethings not right and wanting to do something about it takes a strong person!! I hope your appointment is just what you need! Will be praying for ya :) And thanks for sharing, it's making me take a good long look at my life too!!

Carly Ann said...

Oh sister, I so feel you! I struggle with depression a lot. Chad tries to be supportive, but I know it gets to him. He has a hard time being around me because I am cranky and cry for no reason. Sometimes I avoid people and get really upset if Chad will have people come over, because i just plain don't want ot have to deal with them. I hope you get some good advice from the doctor, or a medication that at least can get you through the days better!

Suze said...

I hope it helps too. I know a lot of people who struggle with this and I think it's really brave of you to share. Thoughts and prayers, friend!

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