Jealousy is Ugly

It really is.  An ugly, ugly thing.  In my opinion, jealousy is one of the worst feelings ever. 

Besides depression, anxiety, OCD, I feel like this is the biggest thing I have always struggled with.

However, at times,  I am confused why I struggle with this.   I had a good childhood, parents who gave me attention and loved me, sisters who acted like siblings should, was always encouraged and never put down growing up.

The only thing I can think is being continually bullied and lack of self confidence.

My bullying is a whole other post but I believe it makes you feel smaller, like you aren't as good as everyone else. 

My main struggles include:

* Friendship - Having your friend go out with other people without you or without even asking you.  Having fun without you.   Doing more things with other people, than you.  It is absolutely ridiculous...but you can't help but feel it.

* Love

* Blog - more followers, more comments, etc.

* Looks - look at how pretty she is, skinny she is, how cool her clothes are

* Family - (this will completely confuse you but makes sense to me) why do my sisters have another sister they can be close with/make her the godmother of their child even though we are closer.  And the fact that my other sister is pretty much a stranger to me.

- sounds like High School, huh? -

I am sensitive person.  Always have been, always will.  I don't always see it as a problem but when it comes to jealousy I do.  In ways I have been getting better.  I was seriously jealous when Guss & I first started dating.  Now I am comfortable in my marriage, and trust him so it isn't really a problem.  However I struggle daily...literally daily, with the rest. It bothers me, angers me, and shames me to think that something so small in certain cases can affect me.  

I will probably work toward being free of jealousy my whole life.  I wish I could just turn it off, but I can't

Do you struggle with jealousy?  If you don't I envy you and I would love to hear some advice/tips.  

Final Friendship Friday

Happy Friday Everyone!!!  Thank you so much for all that linked up this week for our link-up!  I loved reading all your posts.  If I have not commented on your post or reply to your comments...fear not.  I will get to them Sunday but I have a big family weekend plan!  But I didn't forget about you!   *And the giveaway winner will be announced next week!!!*

The Final Topic?

Best friend memory.

I think like a lot of people it will be hard to choose just one memory.  However I narrowed it down.   This one is actually about Katie again.  I just had to choose this story.  

So without sharing too much right now (I will address it later)  my husband and I have had public assistance for awhile.  We don't abuse it, we don't cheat the system, we are not lazy people...we just needed some help.  Especially after Mason was born and I needed to quit my job to take care of him.   Megan actually wrote the most awesome post on it the other day.  And showed the other side off getting help.  

As of right now we just get WIC which is of course for Mason only.  For a few months we got help with food.  Then all of a sudden (even though my husband didn't start making more money) they changed some rule and we no longer were eligible.  It sucks.  I cried.  When we had help I could actually buy pricier fruits like strawberries and raspberries more often.  We could buy more fish and healthier things.  

Anyways I told Katie what had happened and she was actually coming to visit in a few days.  When she showed up, she started bringing bags upon bags of things.  I asked what this all was and she was it was for my family.  Just because.   However I knew why she bought it.   

She was so thoughtful and bought us a bunch of household things like napkins, paper towel, Mason got a package of diapers, toothbrushes, toothpaste, toilet cleaner, etc.  

The fact that she was so thoughtful to do this still touches me to do this day.  Can you see why she is my best friend?  

<center> <a href="http://www.diesunddas33.blogspot.com" ><img border="0" src=" http://i1323.photobucket.com/albums/u597/mlco5775/button2_zpsc416b135.jpg"/></a></center> <center> <a href="http://www.katerspotaters-katie.blogspot.com/" ><img border="0" src=" http://i1323.photobucket.com/albums/u597/mlco5775/button1_zps7f5510b3.jpg"/></a></center>

That one where Facebook ruins a 16 year friendship...

Ok.  I'm back with my post.  I decided just to focus on the former best friend that recently so childishly un-friended me on facebook, well and I suppose real life.
The back story...where I should have seen the signs a long time ago.
L & I have been friends since the 7th grade.  We were in Cheer together.  We went camping together, shared clothes, had sleepovers...all that typical stuff.  However throughout the years she was that "Mean Girl", even to me.  Once L and the rest of my "friends" hid at lunch so I couldn't sit with them.  Then she actually me invited to one of her birthday parties and ditched me there.  They wouldn't let me come into her bedroom till all of them had jumped out the window and ran away.
So why did we stay friends?  Well I believed she changed.  But now we are in our late twenties and she still acts like she is in middle school.  
One of my faults (of many) is that I am a people-pleaser.  I will do anything for my friends or someone i care about in a second.  
In the 12th grade L moved to Alabama with her family.  However she got to come back for graduation, where she stayed at my house, my parents gave her a card with money.  Over the years I have visited her in Alabama four times.  I went to her brother's wedding in Madison, WI. My husband and I actually spent part of our Honeymoon in Alabama for her small wedding.  When she has come back to Wisconsin to visit her sister I drove an hour and a half one day and the next just to visit her multiple times.  When her first son was born I spend well over 50 bucks on stuff for him.  She actually got jealous when I told her stories about my friend who lived in the same town as me.  "But I'm your best friend right?"  I kid not.
To her?  It wasn't enough.  This is where I truly decided to distance myself from her.  When she was pregnant with her second child she was sharing names with all of facebook.  If it was a girl the middle name would be *Anne (name changed for this post) after her best friend.
Wait.  Anne?  My first nor my middle name was Anne.  But Anne was a name of a girl L had been friends with for awhile but her name has maybe came up once or twice in all this time. Let me tell you, I could care less if she would name her child after me.  I mean it would be an honor but that's not what bothered me.  It's the fact all of sudden Anne was her best friend. I just mentioned I was surprised and a little hurt.
Her response?
Well Anne and I have been talking more lately and she answers my facebook messages and posts faster.
Um, What?!
You are basing best friendship on how fast i freaken respond to you on facebook!!!
So since then (that was 2 years ago) we have talked and still communicated by text or facebook.  This past August rolls around and she sends me a message saying that she will be coming to Wisconsin and wanted to see me.  After a day I hadn't responded because let's be honest I am a procrastinator and I had awhile before she would be coming.  That next night I receive a message saying.  
I would have thought that you would have written back now. I guess I just got my answer.
And just like that our friendship was over.  16 years of friendship over because of facebook.  
I didn't even respond to her.  And right away she not only deleted me but blocked me.  
So this is where I made a mistake (and not the one where I stayed friends with her this long)...I posted as my status - Apparently people think Facebook is the new High School.  Was it my chance to be childish?  yes.  Am I ashamed, nope.  I was hurt and pissed.   
Not too long after that (don't worry this post is nearing the end)  I receive a message from her sister (who is still FB friends with me).  Well it's actually L and she noticed the status (which did not include her name).  And this is what she said:
L: This is L from H's account. I couldn't help but notice the comment that you had left on your fb page. Obviously I am in Wisconsin which you already knew and refused to respond when I asked if you wanted to meet up. Highschool??? Really? I find it really childish that you wouldn't respond to my message because we have been friends for so long. Well I will have fun seeing someone that actually cares about me instead like Anne. Take care!
Me:Are you kidding me? I am supposed to feel bad and want to be friends with someone who said we were no longer best friends because Anne replies to your Facebook faster than me. That is what you said. And yes it is high school and childless to defriend someone on Facebook because I didn't respond within a few days! I have other stuff going on in my life and just because I didn't respond when u wanted didn't mean I didn't want to see you. But you assumed. . Don't blame it on me just because I didn't meet your 'standards'.
L: I will show you how to be not high schooling by not replying to your message. FYI she replied in 5 minutes.
And I left it at that.  I'm already ashamed about how I went down to her level to deal with it.  I am better than that.  We are adults!  Why are adults fighting like this.
Anyways, congrats if you made it through.  I just feel better finally getting it out there.  
So what did I learn?  Friendship should not be so hard and so childish.  Am I sad that I lost a friendship that I had for so long?  Yes and no.  In the long run she wasn't worth it.  
*PS - I am ashamed about how many times I had to mention this happened over Facebook.  I just proved everyone who says FB is all about drama right... <center> <a href="http://www.diesunddas33.blogspot.com" ><img border="0" src=" http://i1323.photobucket.com/albums/u597/mlco5775/button2_zpsc416b135.jpg"/></a></center> <center> <a href="http://www.katerspotaters-katie.blogspot.com/" ><img border="0" src=" http://i1323.photobucket.com/albums/u597/mlco5775/button1_zps7f5510b3.jpg"/></a></center>

Friendship Thursday.

Hi!  Welcome to the Thursday edition of Friendship Week.  Today's topic?

 Worst friend memory.  And what you 

learned from that experience.  You don't have to be 

specific, you can focus on the lesson you learned.

Ok, here's something weird.  Being a co-host of this link-up I should have my post up.  But I'm struggling.  I didn't realize how hard it would be to write this post.  In the recent months I have had 2 people I considered best friends change.  I mean one I have known since I was in 7th grade.  Her brother even dated my sister.  And the other...I thought we were literally personality twins.  And now I don't even think she knows how unreliable she is.  So this is what I'm saying.   I'm going to go to bed and rest on this.  In the morning I will have my stories.  Sorry for being a crappy link-up co host.  I just don't have the words right now.  Please link-up. I am curious to see what experiences you had and what you have learned.  And I will be back tomorrow (today).  With my stories.


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Celebrity Wannabe Friends : Wednesday

Hiya!  Today is Wednesday, our third day of our Friendship link-up.  Today's topic?

 Celebrities 

 Who would you want to be your best friend?

Me?


Sandra Bullock.  Oh my crackers and cheese!  I love this woman.  In her movies, interviews, speeches...pure love.  She is hilarious, grounded, and did you know that she speaks German?!?!?!  To me? That is friendship gold.

Amy Poehler.  She stars in one of my all time favorite shows "Parks & Recreation" and I loved her on "Saturday Night Live".  Another of those women who seems real.  And not all perfect and fake.

Kristen Wiig.  This woman is hilarious.  And she has my kind of humor.  Bridesmaids?  Classic.

Favorite line of the whole movie.  

 Now these next two women, I would love to be best friends with.  However I think I am a little to...rough? Unrefined?  Dirty?  Whatever it is...they are way too pure and good looking.  But I would love to hang out with them...And be that bad influential friend.

Mariska Hargitay.  I'm not going to lie.  I love her on Law & Order: SVU with longer hair but come one.  She's awesome.  And she really really should have hooked up with Stabler.  It may be a TV show but in my warped mind?  That ish is real.

Reese Witherspoon.  Not only is she a part of my favorite movie of all time (Walk The Line) but she is so down-home, sweet awesomeness.  She seems so sweet, that if I walked into her home I would burst into flames.  But I love her.  No doubt.

 So tell me.  Who would be your celebrity best friend?   I must know.

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Tuesday: Blog Friendship

Welcome to the Tuesday addition of Friendship Week.   Information found here.

Today?  Your Favorite Blog Friends.  One of my favorite new subjects!

Alana - I think we started following each other when we had around 20 followers each.  And now she has 200+!  I just consider her one of my oldest blogger friends. If we lived closer, I can see us being best of friends.  And I admire what she does.  (If you want to know what it is...well check out her blog)

Trish - Um yeah.  I'm pretty sure I stalk her.  We finally became real Facebook friends recently and every status update has me laughing like crazy.  Like this one 

"Going to a breastfeeding class tonight. I think this is the one time I hope there aren't free samples."

  Fortunately this lady is moving closer to me soon, and I'm gonna be all over that like white on rice. Or brown on rice, if you want to be healthy. 

Nichole - well this lady is also one of my newest real Facebook friends.  I envy her Florida life and love playing Words with Friends with her.  She recently started her 2nd (!) blog...I can barely keep up with one!

Carly & Kristine - In a way I see these two hand in hand.  These lucky ladies are real life best friends. And if I lived on the West Coast I would try (and probably fail) to be the third wheel.  Carly was actually one of the best swap partners I ever had and Kristine...well she loves Knut.  And that scores big points in my book.

Suze - Love this girl.  She is a fellow Midwesterner (sorry about the Cardinals!  My brother in law is also very upset.)  She's just one of those good people in life...and her son?  Freaken adorable!!!

I do feel bad having to narrow it down because I feel like I have found so many new friends and people blogging.  Here are a few regulars on the blog I love.


Kasey - Graduated High School together...and oh yeah, she's gonna have a baby!  Thanks to me. Sorry if that's getting old Kasey, but I get a kick out of it!!!  I'll be telling that to your little one when they graduate high school!

Kodie - Fellow Wisconsin blogger, loves the Packers as much as I do, and we have actually met (and had breakfast (with a Packer!) in real life!

Katie - See a crap ton of previous posts!!! :)

And finally some other blogs friends I love.

This lady has almost 500 followers and still takes the time to comment on my little ol' blog.  I was paired with her last Christmas for a card swap and love following her blog.  Again another Midwesterner.

Literally the sweetest woman you will ever talk to.  She makes you feel like you have known her forever.  And we both struggle with toddlers who don't sleep.

A blond toddler named Mason?  Now that sounds familiar.  And she doesn't live too far away from me!

Following this lucky lady as she teaches in Thailand.

Well you definitely need to check out these ladies.  I love them all!   Grab a button below and link-up!  I would love to find new blogs to follow that you love!

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Friendship Monday

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Hi!!! I'm so excited to be doing this link-up this week!  Thanks to Katie for being my co-host and thank you all for reading...even if you don't link up!

Friendship is important to everyone.  Whether you have 1 best friend and a bunch of acquaintances or a bunch of best friends, they are always important to you.  So we really wanted to celebrate that. If you need more info click here.

So today is Monday.  Which means we are talking about your Favorite/Best Friends in Real Life.

I'm one of those people who has a few best friends and that's it.  But i won't complain.  Because the ones I do have are the best.

Katie
I think I have talked about her a million times.  Here is a post I wrote to her on her birthday.  It's an added bonus that we are actually family but she is the best friend you could ever had.  And our personalities?  They are pretty much the same.  We are both very sensitive people.  And I love that I found someone who reacts the same way I do in situations.  I also think it has something to do with having 2 older sisters and being the little one who is always left out.

Haylee
She is actually my cousin (and Katie's) as well.  We come from a family where there are 16 grandchildren.  Us three do a lot together and call ourselves the younger generation.  :)  She is so laid back, up for anything, and will keep your secrets.  

Finally, My sister Melissa.
Growing up she was actually the sister who beat me up (and threatened to kill me...but that's another story).  We had to share a room, which she hated since we have a 5 year age difference.  But now?  She is the best sister I could ask for.  Not only is she beautiful, gave me 2 freaken adorable nieces, but she listens whenever I need her.  Any kind of problem I have, she's there.  I am so thankful that she is in my life.

Unfortunately  I had two other "best" friends.  However in the past 3 months we have grown apart.  But that will come later in the week.

Please share with us about your friends!  I can't wait to read what you have to say!

Tomorrow?  Talk about your best blog friends.  Oh man I can't wait for that!!!

BCF Birthday Girl!

So I am here today to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY to one of my favorite people ever.  Her name is Katie and she blogs over here.  So check her out.  We are actually cousins and after our grandpa died we became close.  Now we are best friends (or BCF - best cousins forever).  

This girl is the best.  She is always there to listen, or have words of encouragement.  I know I can always count on her.  She will never judge me or turn on me.  She is one of those once in a lifetime people you meet and never let go.  It is just a bonus that we actually share blood.  

I feel like at times we are the same person.  We are both sensitive types who over think things.  But that is ok because we listen to each other and get over it.  I just want to say I love you Miss Katie and can't wait to see you again!  I love you and you are my bestest bestest friend/cousin ever!  

P.S.  It always so much more fun when it is us and Hay-Baby.  Let's make that happen soon!  

Me (L), Katie, and my sister at the Hookah Bar in Wittenberg Germany

Munich at the Hofbräuhaus

Love my BCF