Thursday, October 25, 2012

That one where Facebook ruins a 16 year friendship...

Ok.  I'm back with my post.  I decided just to focus on the former best friend that recently so childishly un-friended me on facebook, well and I suppose real life.

The back story...where I should have seen the signs a long time ago.

L & I have been friends since the 7th grade.  We were in Cheer together.  We went camping together, shared clothes, had sleepovers...all that typical stuff.  However throughout the years she was that "Mean Girl", even to me.  Once L and the rest of my "friends" hid at lunch so I couldn't sit with them.  Then she actually me invited to one of her birthday parties and ditched me there.  They wouldn't let me come into her bedroom till all of them had jumped out the window and ran away.

So why did we stay friends?  Well I believed she changed.  But now we are in our late twenties and she still acts like she is in middle school.  

One of my faults (of many) is that I am a people-pleaser.  I will do anything for my friends or someone i care about in a second.  

In the 12th grade L moved to Alabama with her family.  However she got to come back for graduation, where she stayed at my house, my parents gave her a card with money.  Over the years I have visited her in Alabama four times.  I went to her brother's wedding in Madison, WI. My husband and I actually spent part of our Honeymoon in Alabama for her small wedding.  When she has come back to Wisconsin to visit her sister I drove an hour and a half one day and the next just to visit her multiple times.  When her first son was born I spend well over 50 bucks on stuff for him.  She actually got jealous when I told her stories about my friend who lived in the same town as me.  "But I'm your best friend right?"  I kid not.

To her?  It wasn't enough.  This is where I truly decided to distance myself from her.  When she was pregnant with her second child she was sharing names with all of facebook.  If it was a girl the middle name would be *Anne (name changed for this post) after her best friend.

Wait.  Anne?  My first nor my middle name was Anne.  But Anne was a name of a girl L had been friends with for awhile but her name has maybe came up once or twice in all this time.
Let me tell you, I could care less if she would name her child after me.  I mean it would be an honor but that's not what bothered me.  It's the fact all of sudden Anne was her best friend.
I just mentioned I was surprised and a little hurt.

Her response?

Well Anne and I have been talking more lately and she answers my facebook messages and posts faster.

Um, What?!

You are basing best friendship on how fast i freaken respond to you on facebook!!!

So since then (that was 2 years ago) we have talked and still communicated by text or facebook.  This past August rolls around and she sends me a message saying that she will be coming to Wisconsin and wanted to see me.  After a day I hadn't responded because let's be honest I am a procrastinator and I had awhile before she would be coming.  That next night I receive a message saying.  

I would have thought that you would have written back now. I guess I just got my answer.

And just like that our friendship was over.  16 years of friendship over because of facebook.  

I didn't even respond to her.  And right away she not only deleted me but blocked me.  

So this is where I made a mistake (and not the one where I stayed friends with her this long)...I posted as my status - Apparently people think Facebook is the new High School.  Was it my chance to be childish?  yes.  Am I ashamed, nope.  I was hurt and pissed.   

Not too long after that (don't worry this post is nearing the end)  I receive a message from her sister (who is still FB friends with me).  Well it's actually L and she noticed the status (which did not include her name).  And this is what she said:

L: This is L from H's account. I couldn't help but notice the comment that you had left on your fb page. Obviously I am in Wisconsin which you already knew and refused to respond when I asked if you wanted to meet up. Highschool??? Really? I find it really childish that you wouldn't respond to my message because we have been friends for so long. Well I will have fun seeing someone that actually cares about me instead like Anne. Take care!

Me:Are you kidding me? I am supposed to feel bad and want to be friends with someone who said we were no longer best friends because Anne replies to your Facebook faster than me. That is what you said. And yes it is high school and childless to defriend someone on Facebook because I didn't respond within a few days! I have other stuff going on in my life and just because I didn't respond when u wanted didn't mean I didn't want to see you. But you assumed. . Don't blame it on me just because I didn't meet your 'standards'.

L: I will show you how to be not high schooling by not replying to your message. FYI she replied in 5 minutes.

And I left it at that.  I'm already ashamed about how I went down to her level to deal with it.  I am better than that.  We are adults!  Why are adults fighting like this.

Anyways, congrats if you made it through.  I just feel better finally getting it out there.  

So what did I learn?  Friendship should not be so hard and so childish.  Am I sad that I lost a friendship that I had for so long?  Yes and no.  In the long run she wasn't worth it.  

*PS - I am ashamed about how many times I had to mention this happened over Facebook.  I just proved everyone who says FB is all about drama right...


Kasey said...

Wtf?! What is up with that? Her reasoning is really really sad. Facebook really? Like she didn't have your number to call or what?

Sounds like it's a good thing you got away from that "friendship" anyway. I know how hard it is to not stoop to that level. I've wanted to do that so many times. I don't think what you said was bad though because it's totally true!

Alana Christine said...

And that is why facebook is the devil!

Holly said...

WOW...she needs to grow up. I think it's immature and unrealistic to think that just because you don't respond to a Facebook message means you don't want to see her or be friends. YOU have a life, a family, a don't spend 24 hours a day on Facebook and if you did that would be sad. She needs to learn that a friendship is MORE than just Facebook messages, and it goes both ways so while YOU went out of your way for her, what did SHE ever go out of her way for you?! So sorry this happened to you!!! You're an AWESOME person and I am positive that you have MUCH better friends than that now :)

Suze said...

That's not okay! It's so hard to have long relationships die (I'm sort of in the middle of that right now), but when it's for the best, it's for the best I guess. sorry that happened to you!

Cole said...

I've seen a few friendships end because of FB... I'm so sorry that you had to go through it. It really sounds like you're better off without her.

Renee said...

And this is the main reason i hate fb! (why oh why do i keep my account!!) It sucks to lose someone you considered a friend, but sometimes it's better to get away from them to keep yourself sane! (yeah, i learned this the hard way!)

Carly Ann said...

That is a really sucky way to lose a friend, but at the same time, I think you are better off. I'm sure it doesn't feel nice to rehash it on here either, but I'm sure you have plenty of other friends who won't talk down to you and expect you to put them #1 in your life when they aren't willing to show you any of the same courtesy.

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